I puked a lego.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
