It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
