i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
