I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
