the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
