Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
