they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
