Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
