Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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