Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize