we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
