I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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