Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
