someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize