I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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