I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
