Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
