Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
