Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize