I molested 6 butterflies tonight
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
