Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
