i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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