guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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