If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
