I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
