I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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