R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
