What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
