do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
