hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
