I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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