Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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