Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
