Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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