Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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