Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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