so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
