Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
