They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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