pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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