I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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