I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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