So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
