he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
