So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I am spending my child support on dildos
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
