We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize