So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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