hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
