Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize