I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
