I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
