I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
