take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
