I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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