i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
