I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
