so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
