Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
