I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
