I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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