I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You can't just leave with hair like that
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
