Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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