It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
