now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
