there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
